Consuming Beauty

While traveling home from a job in the panhandle of Florida, I was listening to my ever-present and trusty companion, my iPod. As my thumb was a blur on the click wheel, I happened to stop on and listen to a song by Stevie Nick called Trouble in Shangrai-La. Now before you condemn me for my choice of music, at least have the good grace to read my post, leave a comment then condemn me for my taste in music. Deal?

One line of the song said this:
"You can consume all the beauty in the room, baby. I know you can. I've seen you do it."

No matter how many times I listen to this song, that phrase always strikes me and always sets me to thinking down the same well-traveled path.

Am I like that?

Do I come waltzing into a room and, like a black hole in space, suck all the life and beauty from it?
Does the chatter quiet down, gazes avert and subjects change?
Do smiles seem genuine or contrived?
Does my personality overwhelm others and change the chemistry and makeup in the room?
Do the lights of others dim upon my arrival? (And by that I don't mean that my light is brighter or better).

We all know people like that. An old room-mate, a high-school acquaintance, a relative or fellow church member. It seems like they have that unique ability to blanket a room with pessimism, uncharitable comments and despair.

Or am I like a supernova or exploding star, expanding the universe of that particular room, filling it with life, conversation, brightness, laughter, hopefulness and the light of Christ.

I am, after all, called a "light of the world." Are others blinded by the light in me or burned by the flame in my life and want to snuff it out? Or are they drawn to it like a "moth to the flame."

Are others consumed by the resident love of God in my heart or are they consumed by my pettiness, gossip and prejudice?

I don't know that I have the answers.

Sometimes I feel like I am a beacon of truth and righteousness, the image of the Most High stamped on my visage. Sometimes I believe that the flawed and tarnished fallen me is on display, like a side show freak. People are simultaneously drawn and repelled. What will it take for them to see past the exterior to the place of peace that resides in my heart?

We all love the consuming power of a masterpiece of art or an enveloping cocoon of a brilliant musical score. We are moved to recognize the hand of the Almighty, whether or not that is intent of the artist.

All I can do is pray that my nature will be changed so that I will not be one who is consuming beauty but rather a purveyor of the beauty that consumes. That beauty is the love of Christ.

"Let your light so shine before men that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven." Matthew 5:16 NKJV

More Beast than Beauty.
Traveler

Her Fingerprints

Time and tide wait for no man and I, being a man, have missed numerous opportunities to put my thoughts into blog form. But not today. My ship is already under way.

I was recently reading an article about one of my favorite ministers, Timothy Keller of Redeemer Presbyterian of New York City. I think he is one of the most brilliant biblical expositors of our time. But this post is not about him. It is about something that was said about him. It was in reference to his relationship with his wife. It was this:

“He (Tim) really depends on her…..He is inexplicable apart from her. She has her fingerprints all over his brain, and I mean that in a good way.”

Once again, I felt myself stopped in my tracks and, re-reading that phrase, “She has her fingerprints all over his brain”, came to a conclusion.

Timothy Keller and I have something in common.

I am, too, am inexplicable apart from my wife Deborah and she definitely has her fingerprints all over my brain. And it is definitely in a good way!

As I mulled over that phrase, letting myself soak in its meaning, like a excellent marinade that surrounds a steak (I have sometimes been likened to a “Meat Head”), I realized just how impacted my life has been by my wife. Not that I have taken her for granted these last 20 years or have been oblivious to her impact in my life but those words, “She has her fingerprints all over his brain”, seem to take on a new and deeper meaning and certainly gave me pause for thought.

I realized that many of the conclusions and precepts that I thought were my own were really hers. They have just been adopted and are now claimed as “my own.’ I guess we are all like that in every area. None of us has an original thought. Everything that we “discover” has already been discovered, dissected, written about, taught on and lived out, long before we were even born. So ultimately I am a product of all that have gone on before me.

Before I drift too far away from my main point, let us cast a rope back towards my wife’s impact on my life and secure it for the rest of the blog posting.

I love how some turn of phrase can capture your whole attention and take you down and back on paths that had been forgotten or pushed deep into your psyche. I can remember times and conversations that we have had over the years which have shaped the way I think or view life, both physical and spiritual. I, if you know me well, know that I can be very convinced of my “rightness”. I will cling to that raft of “rightness” lest I am overturned and found wanting for intelligence or correct perspective.

But my wife has that ability to flip my lifeboat and dunk me into the waters of reality, then throws me a lifeline, which is secured to her perspective, maturity and stableness. She has that ability to see though me and discern between the crap and the truth. And all the time she is still loving me, in spite of my grandiose style and verbose manner.

“She has her fingerprints all over my brain.”

I recently listened to a podcast where the idea was discussed that marriage is part of the salvation process. Not that any work other that Christ’s death saves me but rather that salvation is a lifelong process. Earthly marriage is a type and shadow of what we can expect when we are united together in Christ. Should it not be a joyous union of heart, mind and soul? 1 Corinthians 7:16 states, ”For how will you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband whether you will save your wife?” The implication is that she is part of the process in helping me to understand what my union with the Holy Trinity will be like.

None of us come to salvation by ourselves. There is always someone else there who leads or speaks or models Christ and thus we are drawn. It is in the community of believers that we work out the process of salvation.

I believe that my marriage to Deborah is part of the process of me “working out my salvation with fear and trembling”. My wife is part of that process which removes the stain of “me” and slowly helps me change into the image of God. We are all created in the image of God, thus we are “icons” or images of God. But sin and evil tarnish us. And by my wife being in my life, she is a part of the process where I am being restored into a beautiful, perfectly spotless icon of God.

“Be ye therefore perfect, even as I am perfect.” Matthew 5:48

It is a process that I do not believe will be completed on this earth but is designed to prepare me for the eternal presence of God. He is coming back for a spotless bride.

I still have some cleaning up to do (with my wife’s help).

Still being fingerprinted after all these years!
Traveler

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1.02.28

My Take on Facebook

(Sorry. The usual funny and cynical picture I start off each blog with cannot be found. I can't seem to understand iPhoto, yet. So instead, you are treated to a recent picture of me with my two beautiful daughters, Lauren (15, on the left) and Lindsay (13, on the right). The ugly guy in the middle is in the witness protection program. He has no name. Only a Facebook picture.)

As I sit in the airport terminal, waiting on my delayed flight to Houston for another 2-week round of gainful employment, I have decided to work on something that has been long neglected: My Blog. As most of you know, my last posting was rather long with the story of Daniel, the son of friend who has passed on and beat us to the portal of Heaven. If you missed it, (the post, not Heaven) it is worth your time. The story is compelling, true and impacted my life. Many of you responded with similar words of how it impacted you.

I remind you of this because of my next post. I learned much about Daniel because of an update in Facebook. So my latest installment of pontification will be on that very subject.

Facebook is such an amazing phenomenon. It has impacted people from all stripes of society. It connects friends and business people alike, relinking old acquaintances and has seemed to revolutionize the way we communicate. While the number of people that have joined the legions of Facebookers is truly astonishing, few have stopped to ask the most pressing of questions.

Should the phenomenon of Facebook be happening at all?

Like a Blooming Onion at Outback, this question is at once delectable and tantalizing, oily and too hot to eat at once. It definitely cannot be eaten quickly, lest a burnt mouth and clogged arteries slow the progress. The question has recently kept me up at night, pondering its many layers and levels. Let me start by unpacking my Facebooking experience.

My children, as with most children in this age, are probably over saturated with technology and the need to know. They have Mac computers, are internet savvy, text on their cell phones with great alacrity and can program my DVR better than I can. Homework research takes a fraction of the time it did for me when I needed to write a paper in 9th grade (that's 1979 for those of you trying to do the math.)

"Dad, Dad! I just have to be on Facebook! ALL my friends are? Can I get an account?" Or so my recollection goes. "What is Facebook and who really cares?" Yes, children can be as persistent as that nagging head cold or a leaky faucet. So I, like the good over-protective father that I am, checked it out. In order for me to even "check it out," I had to create an account before I looked under the hood. I felt I did my due diligence and spent quite a bit of time "checking it out."

Perhaps too much time.

I was amazed! People I had not heard of for many years somehow found me and wanted to be my "friend." Valuable time that I could have spent elsewhere was now consumed by this desire to check out old friends and see what they were up to. Old college roomates, ex-girl friends, forgotten business collegues and old church members suddenly were found and presented themselves for inspection.

WOW! What a way to catch up on 20 years of history that passed our relationships by. Some people I knew about and others I had not seen in over 2 decades. That was how I learned about Daniel, the subject of my last post. It was through his father's Facebook page and a seeming inconsequential remark about missing Daniel. What I learned shook me to the core and left an indelible impression.

And so it went on as I learned much about my past alliances and friendships, many created long ago under very different circumstances. Different times and places, myself a different person. Picture and comments, links to websites and Status Updates gave me, sometimes, a clear snapshot of what that person had been doing for so long.

Marriages, growing families, world travels and business projects all performed to create a tapestry of their lives. Some I wished I had kept in contact. Some I was glad that I had not. But most made me feel a little more complete, like the resumption of a good book, put down in the middle to finish later.

And before I had said "Yes" to my girls becoming a Facebook member, I found myself swept up in the vortex know as Facebook.

Facebook is a sword that cuts both ways. I find that it somehow satisfies a voyeuristic tendency to be in the know about someone without them even knowing that I know. I can learn many things about them and their past just by reading their Profile, looking at their pictures or seeing who their friends are. I now have many more Facebook friends that were once old friends of mine, just by looking to see who their Facebook Friends are. It's kinda creepy, in a good sort of way.

But at the same time, it reminds me that I am no longer in close contact or proxmitiy with them. With some I was very close. But due to the modern problem of moving around the country alot, I have lost touch with and both they and I moved on. I regret not keeping up some of the friendships, people who added much to my life. They were there during formative stages of my growth, both physically, mentally and spiritually. I see the posted pictures of their lives and wish that I was in one of them, a reminder that my presence mattered, even if long ago.

But time waits for no man and the path many of us take is in different directions, the result of the leading of God and sometimes, our rebellions.

So I guess I see Facebook as a complex subject, a natural outworking of our post-modern times. A place to contact others without really saying much, a way to stay informed anonomously and without obligation. I also see it as new platform to let many of my friends know what is going on, right now, in my life. A way for both of us to live vicariously through our words and pictures. A vehicle in which I can be remembered and prayed for and thought of, if only for the span of a "What are you doing now" moment.

So look and comment, but always, reply and pray for.

Posting on my new-look Facebook page, (not sure I like yet),
Traveler

The First Post of the 2009 Year.

Warning: This posting will be much longer than normal and is intended to be read in its entirety. Enter at your own risk!

My blog posting drought has finally come to an end. This drought was not caused by unnatural means but by natural ones: work related travel, Christmas in another state (with limited access the internet), weeks of sickness and more work related traveling. The desire was there but the flesh was weak. I have a list of topic on which I want to pontificate on and none are coming to the light of day as of yet except for one which has been running around in my mind and heart since before the holidays. So without further adiue, my posting for your educational, mental, and spiritual enjoyment.

Back in December, I was in Houston in a hotel on work related business. I was up at 4am this particular morning. Not because I particularly wanted to be up at that hour, but my alarm had gone off and it was time to rise. I had to be at work by 6am and had been doing my best to get in some quiet time before the everydayness settled in. I usually try to spend 45 min to an hour a day in devotion with the Daily Office from the Book of Common Prayer. My structure and guidance and devotion for the day. Prayer and scripture to set me on the right path. I turned my computer on and struggled to wipe the sleepiness from my eyes and the fogginess from my brain.

"Too soon to start devotions just yet..... I can't focus...... I need to wake up a bit......maybe perusing Facebook will be the ticket to a greater state of wakefulness."

The computer whirled and beeped and up popped my homepage on Facebook.
At the top of my page, I clicked on the Home tab, which for all of you non-Facebookers, lets me see all of the current updates posted by my other Facebook friends.

The first one I saw was from an old college friend with whom I had just recently reconnected with via Facebook. Rob Duncan was his name. He had married a gal, Karen Garman, who I had been friends with at college. Now they are Mr. and Mrs. Rob and Karen Duncan. I had neither seen nor heard from either one in over 20 years. Until that day.

On his Facebook page, Rob had posted the following: Rob is missing Daniel very badly today.

"Who was Daniel and why should Rob be missing him badIy?" I thought to myself. I knew lots of Daniels. It is not an uncommon name. My pastor's name is Daniel, I had recently been reading about the Daniel in the Bible, I have friends who lives in Rome, Georgia and in Los Angeles whose sons are named Daniel. What made this Daniel so special?

Like a semi-pro Facebooker, I took it upon myself to find out who this Daniel was.
Was he a friend? Was he a colleague? Was he a son? Why was he missed? Was he on a trip? Was he away at school or a friends house? Too many questions and not enough answers in Rob's short posting. Sensing more behind the short little statement, I clicked my mouse.

That one click affected me profoundly.

Not satisfied with the small amount of info on Rob's Facebook page concerning this mysterious "Daniel", I eventually located a link at the bottom of Rob's Info page, in the Groups I Belong to section.

RIP Daniel Duncan.

I clicked again. My journey began.

Initially, it was a pictorial journey with 60 or so photos, pictures of a life, full and varied, interesting and with great promise, full of laughter and joy. Daniel playing the piano, Daniel acting in a play, Daniel at school, Daniel with his friends, Daniel with his family, Daniel full of smiles and jokes. Daniel riding his bike.

By the end of the slide show, I felt like I had a better picture of who Daniel was even though I had never met him. It is amazing what pictures can convey about a person. He was the son of Rob and Karen and seem to be living the typical American teenager lifestyle. He was their oldest and the torchbearer of the Duncan name. He seemed well adjusted and well loved, a fun-loving intelligent kid. Great. But my question was still unanswered.

Why did it say "Rob is missing Daniel very badly today?"

As I continued my search for the answer, I eventually ran across this:

Daniel was hit by a car when riding his bike. They say that it happened instantly and if there's any blessing at all, that would be it. I pray that he didn't suffer at all. I love you Daniel.

A cold chill ran down my spine as the enormity of what had recently taken place began to sink in.

Rob is missing Daniel very badly today.

The 7 words written on the screen of my Facebook page hit me like a moving car, because once, long ago, I was hit by a truck and it changed the course of my life.

Rob was missing Daniel very badly today, because he would never see him again in this lifetime, here on this green earth. His son was gone.

My thoughts instantly ran to my children. Were they OK? Would I see them again? What would I say on my Facebook page if one of my girls were taken from me without the opportunity of saying goodbye?

My daily devotional time had taken a very different turn.

I continued my journey as I searched for more information about Daniel. He had now become much more that just a one-dimensional face on a digital picture. He was now flesh and bone, laughter and joy. There was a growing sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach because I too, am a dad. The bond between a parent and their children is very powerful, strengthened by faith, discipline, hugs and conversation. Lots of conversation.

I suddenly felt a tremendous kinship with Rob and Karen, those who I had not spoken to or thought much about over the last 20 years. My heart went out to them, felt just a tad of their pain and loss and I didn't know what to do about it.

Link after picture after posting after eulogy gave me fuller sense of the young man, Daniel. He was so full of promise, loved by everyone who met him. touching in tangible and intangible ways all who crossed his path. He was in drama, could play the piano like Van Cliburn, rode his bike all over creation, played with his siblings. He was the one everyone wanted to be like. Everything you'd expect from one so recently graduated from high school and into the first weeks of college.

But the greatest thing that seemed to be said about him was that he loved and served God.

As I read and read, I found my self laughing with joy and weeping with a profound sense of untimely loss.

All over a teenager I never met.

He was struck and killed by a car while he was riding the bike he so loved. He was only into the 2nd or 3rd week of college. He barely had time to unpack and get settled into the routine of higher education. He had received a music scholarship and was beginning his journey as a man.

I clicked on a link that lead me to his personal website. The second posting has this heading:

Let my lifesong sing for You.

My throat constricted, I felt my chest tighten and tears clouded my vision, for that song has personal and deep meaning for me. For a while in my life, I had left the Path of God and that particular song, "Lifesong" by Casting Crowns, was a turning point for me in my journey back to God. It has become my personal anthem. It was even the ringtone on my cell phone. And to see it on a now-dead young man's blogsite shook me to the core. Our whole life should be as an instrument on which our lifesong is played out to the Lord. And from all accounts, Daniel let his Lifesong sing unto his God and the world.

This was apparently the last text message that he sent a few hours before his earthly departure:

LOVE YA One morning you will never wake up Do all your friends know you love them? I was thinking...I could die today, tomorrow or next week, And I wondered if I had any wounds needing to be healed, Friendships that needed rekindling, or three words needing to be said. Let every one of your friends know you love them. Even if you think They don't love you back, you would be amazed at what those three little words and a smile can do. And just in case GOD calls me home before I see you again...... I LOVE YA!!! Send this to at least 8 people you love and send it Back to the person Who sent it to you.Live today to the fullest because tomorrow is not promised!

I think of Daniel as a shooting star - brilliant in its path across the heavens, rocketing there in the clear sky, affecting its surroundings with its brilliance, then disappearing forever before we have had a chance to truly enjoy it. We will never see it again, but we will never forget it.
People still talk about Haley's Comet although none are alive who have ever seen it. I believe Daniel will have that same lasting impression on all who gazed upon him, however fleetingly. Thought the ground is still fresh, I believe that Daniel's death will not have been in vain. The Bible says that unless a grain of wheat falls into the ground and dies..... Daniel's, "Falling Asleep", as the Orthodox like to say, has and will continue to bear much and lasting fruit.

He will not be forgotten, at least not by me, because I will forever be marked by my crossing with Daniel.

One's life rarely gets the scrutiny in life that it does in death. Shouldn't our retrospectives be ongoing and not retroactive? I once had a pastor friend who died in an auto accident. He pastored a little tiny church up in the mountains above L.A. 2000 people showed up at his funeral. I was astonished at how many people were touched by this man, my friend. I didn't know.

Rob said that the same happened at Daniel's funeral. In such a short life, he touched the multitudes. What an example he set for all to see. I can only hope that the same will be said of me at my passing.

I found myself profoundly moved in the depths of my soul. For days afterward, I thought long and hard about Daniel and about how to put my thoughts into words. Even at the end of this piece, the words still seem unable to do justice to the way I feel inside. Though this happened to me at the end of last year, I still found myself fighting tears and intense feelings even as I wrote this.

And all because I clicked on a link in Facebook at 4 am. in an attempt to wake up. That day, an alarm was set to remind me of a meeting, in the future, that I will have with a special young man.



RIP Daniel Duncan 'till we meet one day on the other shore. I look forward to getting to know you a little better.

Traveler

The following are some of the links to get to know Daniel a little bit better.

http://piano-boy.blogspot.com/
http://lilies-of-the-field.blogspot.com/
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=24031074379