Once again, I have found that out how hard being a faithful blogger is. A myriad of topics to choose from, a plethora of starts and stops and finally.....
Aw, maybe tomorrow.
Sometimes I feel that I have so many vital and noteworthy comments and witty observations. These usually hit me as I am driving in my car or just minutes from falling asleep, neither situation lending itself to pounding on my keyboard. And when inspiration and time coalesce to create a riff in the time-space continuum, I just sit and stare at the screen, willing myself to put the first keystroke on a masterpiece of creativity and expenditure of gray matter.
This is what Van Gogh or Renoir or Toulouse-Latrec must have felt like as they stared at blank canvas and tried to decide on which type of brush, what kind of paint, what medium to create in, what object to immortalize on the texture of canvas. I'm sure that what they envisioned did not always materialize when they put the brush down.
That is how I feel sometimes.......lost in the translation from my brain to the blog.
Once in a while, lighting strikes! And in moments, a lucid, coherent stream of intelligent, meaningful, articulated thought becomes immortalized on my blog site, to be read and re-read and forwarded onto others who we think will both enjoy and gain benefit from it.
Oh, why can't I be diligent and faithful to myself and you and post on a regular basis!
The encroachment of time, sickness, tiredness, laziness, children, work, my wife, hunger and football. All conspires against me, preventing me from bursts of productiveness. I allow myself to be swept up in the "Now"ness of the moment. The "Tyranny of the Urgent" saps the energy from the stream of thoughts out of my head on its way to my keyboard.
Are we talking about my blog or my life?
Sometimes, I'm not sure I can tell the difference.
The way I see myself is not always what others see. Sometimes they see the best in me, but many times, the ugly is more prevalent. The image I think I am projecting is many times lost and distorted by my words and actions. What I am trying to say on the canvas of my life is not always what others perceive.
I feel like a canvas, on display for all to see, unable to shape the ideas others have about me. Some of those ideas please me, some make me want to be taken off the display wall and hidden in the basement vault.
Or maybe a better analogy is me as a 1080 dpi Sony Flat Screen TV. I project whatever I want to others so that they will like me, think well of me and want to befriend me. I wish I could control what others see but I have surrendered the remote control. So my channel can't be changed, no matter how hard I try.
I am seen for who I am.
Sometimes a hero, saint and friend, sometimes a villain, sinner and a traitor.
Thank be to God that I have hope! While I will never be all that I want to be, in Christ I will never be less than a son of the Most High, forgiven and ever in a process of change. I do not hold the brushes which paint on the canvas of my life and I know who holds the remote control.
Thank God it's not me!
A Work in Progress!
Traveler
2 comments:
"Oh, why can't I be diligent and faithful to myself and you and post on a regular basis!
The encroachment of time, sickness, tiredness, laziness, children, work, my wife, hunger and football. All conspires against me, preventing me from bursts of productiveness. I allow myself to be swept up in the "Now"ness of the moment. The "Tyranny of the Urgent" saps the energy from the stream of thoughts out of my head on its way to my keyboard.
Are we talking about my blog or my life?"
Reminds me of Paul's words in Romans 7. "Wretched man that I am, who can rescue me from this body of sin and death."
Best post yet. I think many of us can relate to what you wrote.
Hi Jeff,
Another good post. I can easily identify with your thoughts.
My challenge of late has been regarding the motivation for letting my little light shine. Not that I want to hide it under a basket but I have to check my heart and ask am I doing this simply to please Jesus or am I doing it to gain the applause or approval of people. It is a wonder to me how he uses and enjoys each of us in spite of our flaws and failings. I think what you are talking about in this blog is a struggle for all who are creative, be it art, music, writing, dance. We have to allow time for creativity. For myself that means saying no to a lot of good things in order to allow time in my life for those things that are unique to His calling in my life. I don't think this type of creative life requires not being part of regular daily life but often springs from the lives we live that are filled with both failures and victory. I look around at all that God created and I think there is something wonderful about being creative, in that when I am creative I feel very close to the Father who spoke and created the heavens and the earth...
It is for me an on going challenge but as I accept that it is part of my particular calling and part of how He touches others through my life I know I must give Him more room to work through me in this way.
Many who write every day - have very little of value to say. Jeff when you do write it is with a passion and because you have something to say that stirs us to greater faithfulness. I am always thankful to receive an e-mail that there is a new post by you. It seems to be a growing cry of your heart for God to use you more through your writing and your blog. You must fight to get beyond the good to get to the best of what He has for you. I believe He will use you more and more as you make more room to sit at His feet and more space for creativity to flow. I have come to realize that effective ministry is not just about doing stuff but is a result of much time just spent in the Lord's presence and is the over flow not the focus.
He must be the focus!
Blessings, Margot
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