Who...Me?

It's amazing what lessons life teaches us and the things that it reminds us of that we don't yet possess. Last Friday, while at the local homeschool convention here in Jacksonville, my wife took a fall and ended up with a bad case of whiplash. Needless to say, I was thrust into doing much of what my wife was suppose to be doing both during the convention and afterwards. I had to run her around to the chiropractor (whom we love and believe very much in), see to her every need because she could not do much for herself. She was in much pain with a neck brace, an icepack, Aleve and ibuprofen her constant companions, (along with her ever-present ice tea). I had to take her place at the convention, sharing with parents about the tutoring program my wife administrates, running the booth, shuttling children here and there to accomodate for the accident. I at home became the nursemaid, chief cook and bottlewasher, taxi driver and on and on. I cared for my wife and children and home, picking up the slack, all while being an efficent member of Team Weita. By now you may be ready to either give me a gold medal for my selfless efforts or you want to wack me in the head for needlessly grandstanding. Neither of which I want because that is not the point of my blog entry. I said all that to say this......
I am not the servant-hearted individual that I think I am.
What I found most surprising and a little disturbing during an analysis of the facts afterwards was the growing realization that tho' I looked magnificant on the outside, a beacon or paragon of virtue and servanthood, inside my heart was not filled with servant-heartedness and doing all as unto God. What this past week revealed was how little like Jesus I really am. Instead of responding with love and graciousness both inside and outside, I like the Pharisees, was a white washed tomb, full of dead mens bones. Looking great outside but inside was still like the old self that I want to crucify. I know that I have a long way to travel to be like Him. Although my grumbling and fussing and huffing and puffing was kept inside, to Him, it was loud and clear. Oh, I long to be one whose presence causes people to gather around and say, " I want to be just like him!". Instead I am probably one that people use as an example for wayward children, a warning to heed God or end up like "you know who!" I know that God in resident in me and is working hard to clean me up and make me more like He is. I know that he loves me and forgives me. I also know that he expects more out of me, even when others cannot see what I really think. I know that I will have many more episodes like this in the future, events that remind me of my sinful nature and my need to change. I can only hope that I can apply that knowledge liberally and that the lessons will be less painful and revealing. Like the De-motivational picture above, I can only blame myself!

Peace on the journey!
Traveler (and sometimes Stinker)